Sometimes I can't help feeling that I hate myself.
Why am I so talkative (can't I just shut up), why am I so opinionated (can't I just keep my opinion to myself), why am I so frank (can't I just be more selective), why am I so damn friendly (can't I just keep my distance)...
Why can't I be more docile, more lady-like, more sweet, more womanly? Less aggressive, less intimidating, less like a whirlwind that cannot keep still...
Maybe because of this everyone always warm up to me fast (bcz aku cepat mesra?) but would ALWAYS see me as just a friend...maybe because of this no one will ever be able to see beyond this bubble of bubbliness, loud laughter, incessant smile & hunky dory I'm always happy, and see the woman beneath...fragile, melancholic, feminine, with more to share than what meets the eye...
Will anyone ever know the essence of who Siti Aliza is? Bcz the walking contradiction that I am, unlike normal people, I build invisible walls around myself through my happy-go-lucky oozing with friendliness persona...yes, of course that is me...but there's also another side to me...and hence I don't think anyone will ever know who I am........
Perhaps because I did once let someone inside and see the other side of me (the insecurities, the despondency, the reverie) and look at how THAT ended up...with me left hurting and bleeding and scarred for life......but does that mean I am now beyond repair??
Sometimes I can't help feeling that I hate myself.
What Book Are You Reading?
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My morning ritual starts with swallowing two frogs, working out and reading
a book. While reading, Amira curiously came to me and asked, “What book are
you...
11 months ago
5 comments:
obviously you are not beyond repaired. if u were to change to someone else that you're not, that means that person does not love you for who you are and how long can one pretend right? have faith aliza. mesti ada yang jatuh hati. prolly it is you who are not ready to open up? =) give urself a chance. the past is not to dwell upon but to learn from it. from the looks of all pictures posted, ur having a blast and saya adalah jealous. =)
ahaha, thanks shuey...ini adalah momentary lapse of sanity :)
Nway, when is ur wedding? I'll be back in August, hopefully I'll be there to attend!
Wedding is not anywhere this year. It'll be nxt year insya allah. July tunang. Takpe nxt year sure ko ada kan? Hehe. Take cre babe!
I get hw u feel babe. Though I may not hate myself bt as Shu sd, I know that i'm far frm ready actually 2 open up my heart. Maybe u r not ready too. Insya Allah, with time, we'll meet da rite person. Amin
Thanks babe. Mari kita doa sama2 :)
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