Dear Blog (Entry 2)

Dear Blog,

Has been feeling a little bit under the weather this past few days...I feel sooooo sad about my laptop going kaput. I've just had it for 11 months! Rase menyesal beli DELL, should have gone on with my initial plan to buy a SONY Vio, but wanted to save money for coming to the U.K. then.

I feel soooo sad at the imminent day when I would have to leave Oxford and the U.K. for good...I am sooooo going to miss this place. I have had the BEST year of my life, and does not feel ready to let all this go. Hence also why I'm so angsy about my laptop, I'm afraid I will lose all my data including all the photos I've taken tru out this one year. Yes, only THE WORLD'S BIGGEST FOOL does not back-up the data in her laptop - enter Exhibit A (Yours Trully).

An unexpected great opportunity presented itself to me (which would be good for my career), got me super excited, and now is hanging on the balance! Seriously, if it does not materialize, I am going to be SOOOOOO disappointed (yet again!) and for the love of God, I don't know whether I can take another disappointment at the moment! Praying hard to God (nak buat solat hajat tapi period lah pulak!) that it will work out! I don't know why I'm such a pessimist nowadays...and seems that the more you expect a disappointment, the more it will happen, like a twisted self-fulfilling prophecy. So I know I have to stop it and be more POSITIVE (the Laws of Attractions and what not, tho I'm not very keen on all that psychobable mumbo jumbo really), but I can't help it, it's just like my heart has refused to hope for anything anymore. I guess bcz it has been disappointed in such a way that defies explanation, so it's like it is now too afraid to hope for good things to happen. Like a variation of "Building Walls Around Your Heart" or sumthing (yes, I know I'm not making sense, when my heart is heavy and weary, I can't be my usual structured self).

And don't even get me started on that OTHER thing.......SIGH.

Watashi,
ARADIA