DEMI MASA..

A friend (who, like me, is also feeling nostalgic in contemplation of leaving the U.K very soon) asked this question "where exactly was I this time last year?"

I know where I was this time last year: Broken, and a long way from happy. Fast forward one year: I'm a happy bunny :D Alhamdulillah!

Sesungguhnya, DEMI MASA..

Alhamdulillah

For unexpected glad tidings...Alhamdulillah!

Dear Blog (Entry 2)

Dear Blog,

Has been feeling a little bit under the weather this past few days...I feel sooooo sad about my laptop going kaput. I've just had it for 11 months! Rase menyesal beli DELL, should have gone on with my initial plan to buy a SONY Vio, but wanted to save money for coming to the U.K. then.

I feel soooo sad at the imminent day when I would have to leave Oxford and the U.K. for good...I am sooooo going to miss this place. I have had the BEST year of my life, and does not feel ready to let all this go. Hence also why I'm so angsy about my laptop, I'm afraid I will lose all my data including all the photos I've taken tru out this one year. Yes, only THE WORLD'S BIGGEST FOOL does not back-up the data in her laptop - enter Exhibit A (Yours Trully).

An unexpected great opportunity presented itself to me (which would be good for my career), got me super excited, and now is hanging on the balance! Seriously, if it does not materialize, I am going to be SOOOOOO disappointed (yet again!) and for the love of God, I don't know whether I can take another disappointment at the moment! Praying hard to God (nak buat solat hajat tapi period lah pulak!) that it will work out! I don't know why I'm such a pessimist nowadays...and seems that the more you expect a disappointment, the more it will happen, like a twisted self-fulfilling prophecy. So I know I have to stop it and be more POSITIVE (the Laws of Attractions and what not, tho I'm not very keen on all that psychobable mumbo jumbo really), but I can't help it, it's just like my heart has refused to hope for anything anymore. I guess bcz it has been disappointed in such a way that defies explanation, so it's like it is now too afraid to hope for good things to happen. Like a variation of "Building Walls Around Your Heart" or sumthing (yes, I know I'm not making sense, when my heart is heavy and weary, I can't be my usual structured self).

And don't even get me started on that OTHER thing.......SIGH.

Watashi,
ARADIA

Losing My Religion

Oh, life is bigger
It's bigger than you
And you are not me
The lengths that I will go to
The distance in your eyes
Oh no, I've said too much
I set it up

That's me in the corner
That's me in the spotlight
Losing my religion
Trying to keep up with you
And I don't know if I can do it
Oh no, I've said too much
I haven't said enough
I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try

Every whisper
Of every waking hour
I'm choosing my confessions
Trying to keep an eye on you
Like a hurt lost and blinded fool, fool
Oh no, I've said too much
I set it up

Consider this
Consider this
The hint of the century
Consider this
The slip
That brought me to my knees, failed
What if all these fantasies
Come flailing around
Now I've said too much
I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try

That was just a dream
That was just a dream

That's me in the corner
That's me in the spotlight
Losing my religion
Trying to keep up with you
And I don't know if I can do it
Oh no, I've said too much
I haven't said enough
I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try

But that was just a dream
Try, cry, why try?
That was just a dream
Just a dream, just a dream
Dream




R.E.M. *Losing My Religion*