Less Than Ideal

Yes, I know our situation is less than ideal...

It's not ideal to be separated by all these miles...To not be able to drop by each other's place or office when the fancy strikes, or not being able to call for you to pick me up when I need some rescuing (given the chance, I'm always in need of rescuing ;p)...or to steal some time to have a quick lunch or dinner together. Because we're so far away from each other. Well, physically far away. But in truth you are always so close...because you are in my heart. And it just feels to me like you are always right by my side. Every step of the way, in everything that I do, I can just feel you there with me. Because you are my best friend.

It's not ideal that we don't get to see each other as often as I would like. Well, ideally I would like to see you everyday. Okay, once a week is good enough. But I know that's not possible given the distance. The physical distance. But it's ok, at least I hear from you everyday without fail. We each know the detail of our everyday life. We share all that's happening to us, everything we are doing, all the things we are thinking, the things that are bothering and upsetting us, the things that are making us happy and bringing us joy. We are sharing our life with each other, and like you said, I "see" you more often that the people I literally see day in day out. Because I "see" you with my mind and with my heart. And sometimes I see you in my dreams *blush*. I always see your smile. And it's a bonus that everytime we do get to meet I feel so excited like every date is our first date. I don't take for granted the time we get to spend with each other, and that makes every moment so special. Because it's priceless.

Yes, I know our situation is less than ideal...But I will not trade in what we have together in exchange for normalcy. Because what we have together makes me happy, happier than I've been in a long, loooonnggg time. What we have together gives me peace, and makes me want to be a better person. So I will not for one second consider giving it up for all those ideals.

Yes, I know our situation is less than ideal...But it's a small price to pay, when what I get in return is YOU. When you have Perfect, who cares if it's Less Than Ideal.

:)

A Little Girl Who Looks Like Me

When the mood strikes me, yes, I think this is my biggest wish...

To have a little girl of my own... a little girl who looks like me.

SEJIWA

"Pada irama ku berpesan
Lagu ini ditujukan
Padanya yang Tersayang

Kasihku kau pernah dipersia
Lalu kubawa cintaku
Sebagai penawarnya
Biar lukamu masih terasa

Sesaat engkau tidak ku temu
Bulan seakan pilu
Tiada dapat beradu

Begitu jika engkau membisu
Badai jauh dilautan
Tiada ketepian
Sebegitu cintaku padamu

Usahlah cinta dibawa bersama
Ditenggelami mentari di timur
Gelap gelita tiada bercahaya
Ku tiada berdaya

Ku ingin selalu di sampingmu
Tiap waktu siang melambai malam
Bagaikan senja denyutan cinta kita
Penyambung hadirnya

Akan ku bina istana bahagia
Menjadi lambang kasih berpanjangan
Hentikan airmata pedih kenangan
Yang mencakar perasaan
Mekarlah bunga cinta
Seharum wangi kemboja
Mekarlah bunga cinta
Di taman kita sejiwa"


I guess you can say that I am a romantic at heart. Deep down, very very veryyyy deep down at heart :p
(That's why people are always surprised when they found out that I, who very seldom listens to contemporary malay songs, am a big fan of the 90's rock songs (atau dalam kata lainnye, rock kapak yg jiwang karats tuuu haha)

The problem is, I will very2 seldom show it, despite feeling like it. Is it ego? Is it to safe face? Or is it protecting my own heart and protecting my own self? Another big problem is, my track record (if you can call the measly number a record anyway) has shown that I will usually fall for guys who are NOT by nature romantics. Nak kata geli dengan lelaki2 romantic and jiwang pun boleh jugak :p So kau tanggung la sendiri ye Aliza bile kau tgh mood2 nak romantic tu kalau tak di layan, hahaha :p

Anyway, coming back to the song, I have always thought that this song is the ultimate sweet and romantic song. And I guess subconsciously (or consciously tapi taknak ngaku?? hehe), I have always dreamed that some day someone (someone I like of course) would dedicate this song to me :p If it does happen, I think it would be one of THE most romantic thing someone can do for me! But that someone must mean it of course (that goes without saying)! Banyak la pulak demand nye ye aliza..

I guess why I like the lyrics to this song is because 1) the beginning of the song (esp. 2nd para.) I think is applicable to me 2) Admit it, ALL girls, deep down, DREAM of 'someone' who will worship them (worship the ground they walk on!) and who will pander and fawn over them, pine after them.. Ya, ya, I know that sounds a bit too much REALISTICALLY, of course I know that (thanks to watching too much Hindi movies I guess, esp. starring the King of Romance Shah Rukh Khan! Hehe :p). But ADMIT IT ladies, we have all DREAMED of having that or getting that (nama pun DREAM, so sgt la tipis harapan untuk ianya menjadi kenyataan kan :p)

Like I said,banyak la pulak demand nye ye aliza.. Aliza, aliza.. would anyone want to even dedicate it to an old fatty like you? layak ke?? *uhuk*

But there's no harm in continuing to hope and dream rite...I mean everybody dreams of meeting and ending up with their soulmate right, no matter how unromantic or hati kering you are, you would still hope for that..meeting your soulmate..... Now that I think about it, I think the title of the song is a loose translation of that word, "soulmate" - SEJIWA!

Kerna kita semua berbeza

Kita semua benar berbeza.
Memang mudah; rasa menyampah,
pada apa yang tak sama,
dengan yang kita sudah biasa.

Tapi mungkin kita perlu terima,
butakan saja mata,
pada perbezaan,
tapi lihat pada kebaikan; yang ada pada setiap insan.

Kadang kita perlu cuba,
melihat dari kaca mata,
dia yang sedang kita nilai,
nanti kita lebih memahami; dari membenci.

Ini juga peringatan,
untuk tuan empunya badan,
yang menulis satu lakaran,
isu biasa dalam kehidupan.

Lebih banyak drama,
lebih banyak warna,
lebih banyak pengajarannya.
Kerna kita semua berbeza.

Woe be to me

Woe be to them who do not know what they want.

Woe be to me.

Knowing and Accepting

Knowing and accepting that a person was a bad match for you does not mean a small part of your heart can now stop loving that person.

Knowing and accepting that a small part of your heart can never stop loving a person does not mean that you would ever want to get back together with that person.

Knowing and accepting that you never ever want to get back together with a person does not mean you are not afraid and fearful to consider opening up your heart for another person.

Knowing and accepting that you are afraid and fearful to consider opening up your heart for another person does not mean you are not hoping that someday you will.

It's all about Knowing and Accepting.

Ain't It Funny

It seemed to be like the perfect thing for you and me
It's so ironic you're what I had pictured you to be
But there are facts in our lives we can never change
Just tell me that you understand and feel the same

This perfect romance that I've created in my mind
I'd live a thousand lives each one with you right by my side
But yet we find ourselves in a less than perfect circumstance
And so it seems like we'll never have the chance

Ain't it funny how some feelings you just can't deny
And you can't move on even though you try
Ain't it strange when you're feeling things you shouldn't feel
Oh, I wish this could be real

Ain't it funny how a moment could just change your life
And you don't wanna face what's wrong or right
Ain't it strange how fate can play a part
In the story of your heart

Sometimes I think that a true love can never be
I just believe that somehow it wasn't meant for me
Life can be cruel in a way that I can't explain
And I don't think that I could face it all again

I barely know you but somehow I know what you're about
A deeper love I've found in you and I no longer doubt
You've touched my heart and it altered every plan I've made
And now I feel that I don't have to be afraid

Ain't it funny how some feelings you just can't deny
And you can't move on even though you try
Ain't it strange when you're feeling things you shouldn't feel
Oh, I wish this could be real

Ain't it funny how a moment could just change your life
And you don't wanna face what's wrong or right
Ain't it strange how fate can play a part
In the story of your heart

I locked away my heart
But you just set it free
Emotions I felt held me back from what my life should be
I pushed you far away
And yet you stayed with me
I guess this means that you and me were meant to be



JLo, 'Ain't It Funny'

The Past, The Present, The Future

Each can be confusing in its own way. Utterly confusing.

The Past will come back to haunt you, when you least expect it, catching you by surprise, pushing you into a tailspin of emotion that can leave you feeling hollow inside, an emotional wreck.

The Present can seem to be so dismal, sometimes grey, sometime a myriad of colours but always predominantly grey, where you can lose yourself in the mundane, the habitual, the boring, the incessant repetition bordering on hellish.

The Future can be the worst beast of all, with its thousands of uncertainties, making you calculate every action and every move, afraid that the consequences in the future might destroy what you've worked for all your life, but in effect paralysing you with FEAR, fear of the unknown.

But the nastiest is when in a single moment, you reel with CONFUSION as if walking in a dream, when they all come crashing together, The Past, The Present, The Future.

It Feels Like The End Of A Love Affair

And yes, I of all people should know how that feels like. When you feel a kind of loss that is so acute that you just feel numb for some time, until one day the tears would come unexpectedly in floods. When you feel a kind of emptiness that is paradoxically so vast that all the matter in the world would not be able to fill up the empty space in your heart.

After a year of living on a high, it feels like I have now crashed and burned.

Definitely, It Feels Like The End Of A Love Affair.

Terkenang Jua

Kau bersinar dalam hati ini
Kan terbawa manapun ku berdiri

*Ziana Zain, Terkenang Jua*