:)

My first published article in international citation-indexed academic journal...

http://www.ajbasweb.com/ajbas/2012/Special%20oct/331-341.pdf

:)

The Past, The Present, The Future

Each can be confusing in its own way. Utterly confusing.

The Past will come back to haunt you, when you least expect it, catching you by surprise, pushing you into a tailspin of emotion that can leave you feeling hollow inside, an emotional wreck.

The Present can seem to be so dismal, sometimes grey, sometime a myriad of colours but always predominantly grey, where you can lose yourself in the mundane, the habitual, the boring, the incessant repetition bordering on hellish.

The Future can be the worst beast of all, with its thousands of uncertainties, making you calculate every action and every move, afraid that the consequences in the future might destroy what you've worked for all your life, but in effect paralysing you with FEAR, fear of the unknown.

But the nastiest is when in a single moment, you reel with CONFUSION as if walking in a dream, when they all come crashing together, The Past, The Present, The Future.

DEMI MASA..

A friend (who, like me, is also feeling nostalgic in contemplation of leaving the U.K very soon) asked this question "where exactly was I this time last year?"

I know where I was this time last year: Broken, and a long way from happy. Fast forward one year: I'm a happy bunny :D Alhamdulillah!

Sesungguhnya, DEMI MASA..

Whose Reality - Yours or Mine?

Inception - one word: AWESOME!

Yes, the cast gave a stellar performance. And the story line is near perfection - like a big complex jigsaw puzzle that fits together with no loose end. And I love the ending bcz it's kind of like Schrodinger's Cat. Whether the totem stopped spinning or continued spinning does not happen, until we (the viewers) ourself make it happen by the conclusion we draw from the ending.

But what I truly love about the movie is the idea behind it. To me the real idea behind it (yes, I know it's not a novel idea) can be seen from the scene where the old man in the sort-of basement with a lot of people sleeping/dreaming denied that all of these people come to sleep, but that "they come to be woken up". The idea is this - Who's to say what you perceive as reality is not really just a dream, and vice versa.

To me there is something distinctly religious about this idea. I have always understood this world, this world that we perceive as reality, with things that we can feel see touch and taste, as but a fleeting dream. To me our soul is THERE, dreaming this dream, before we are woken up to the REAL eternal life. It's like Plato's Shadows in The Cave philosophy. But to a lot of people in this world, this "concrete" world IS reality, and any "abstract" notion of the 'afterlife' is just a dream that we come up with in order to help us cope with that reality.

But when you talk about Reality, THE Question is this: Whose Reality - Yours or Mine?

Being a grown up sucks.

Sometimes you need to take a step back from everything...
And evaluate.

Are you really cured? Or have u been fed a placebo?
Are you making that choice because it's the mature decision to make? Or because it's the easy one?
Are you really thankful to Him come whatever? Or because you thought you are getting what you want?
Have you really learned? Or are you making the same mistakes but in a different way?
And at the end of the day, after everything is over and done with and you are left with just yourself, do you actually like what you are left with?

And what if you don't know the answer to any of the questions. And you realised that just as you thought you have finally gotten everything figured out, you get handed down a different piece of the puzzle.

Like I said, being a grown up sucks.

Tears

Post 2nd January 2009, whenever I think of He Who Shall Not Be Named, it never fails to bring tears to my eyes. At first, angry tears. Then tears of despair, anguish and pain. Tears of hurt, of unspeakable hurt. Later on it became resigned tears. Thoughts of him never EVER fails to make me cry. Alone. Even if I'll be laughing and cracking jokes whenever his name crops up (however weirdly) in a conversation, later on, alone in my room, the tears would come. That was how strong his "presence" was in my life still, even one year after the fact. But what would you expect, of a man who had shared 7 years of my life, from the time I was still a bright-eyed teenager hopeful and passionate about the future.

Now...more than a year and a half later, whenever thoughts of him crosses my mind, tears would still welled up in my eyes. But this, this is a different kind of tears. These tears come from the realisation of how grateful I feel for those who had been there for me, those who had helped me gotten through it all. Family and friends without whose support I might have jumped off the balcony of B-9-2 PV3 (which I did consider doing more than a few times). Grateful tears of the countless show of love I gained by loosing one.

And it dawned on me, perhaps I'm finally on the real road to recovery. Because of course when the tears come, there is still a kind of hollow sadness in my heart that accompanies the sense of solace, but thoughts of him no longer bring a stab of excruciating pain in my heart as it used to. In fact amidst the tears that trickles down my face, the feeling of regret is now amiss. I no longer regret what happened. How could I? Regretting what happened means I have to also regret ever knowing him, and that is something I CANNOT do in all honesty. Not after all that we've shared and after all that I've gained from him, a man whose soul I know is full of goodness and kindness, despite it all. These are now tears of acceptance. Of wholehearted acceptance that we will never ever be together, but that his lessons and his spirit will remain with me for the rest of my life, for me to give to THE ONE (whoever and wherever he may be) who truly deserve me and deserve my love, THE ONE who's written by the stars for me to love and cherish by the lessons I've gained through this tearful experience.

So even if at times they appear unexpectedly, I now welcome them, and accept them, because these tears, they are Good Tears.

The Denigrated Race

At the Projek Amanat Negara I attended some few weeks ago, an experienced somebody (I shall not name names) had this to say (in summary):

"That Malay has become the denigrated race. That their politicians are laughed at. That they are bashed at (even by Malay themselves). Malays, in effect, has become the minority."

As sad as it may be, this is indeed true. We are indeed now "The Denigrated Race". Why is that? Is that justified?

Well, this entry is not meant to be an intellectual piece about how the Malays need to improve themselves to be at par with the rest, yada yada yada, something that have been talked about in my circle for so much since I started law school (heck, actually since I was in TKC) that frankly, I'm bored of it already (that's the problem of having said so much and been so opinionated since an early age, by the time you get to this age of mine you feel so jaded already by all this topics. Been there, done that).

And this entry is not meant to be a racist propaganda either.

This entry is meant for me to vent this frustration of mine.

Why are we the denigrated race? I do not think that we deserve that. True, we are not a perfect race, we have weaknesses. But aren't you too? True, our politicians are mostly crap, but aren't yours too? (In fact aren't all politicians shit-spitting lowlifes, even here in the UK!)

We love this country. We would do anything for this country. We would stay here and fight for what it's worth no matter how bad the situation is, how bad the economy is, how bad the standard of living is. We would spill blood for this country. We would die for this country. Would YOU do that???

At least 80% of Non-Malays I've met here in the UK, when I asked them personally, have indicated that they do not intend to go back to Malaysia. At least not until "the situation improves". WHAT THE HELL. So you are going to stay here and hide, living in luxury (or what you perceived as luxury, after the astronomic tax) while the denigrated race fight and slave out at low salary in order to keep the country going. You just want to walk back in when everything is fine and dandy?? At official get-togethers kau cakap berdegar-degar, demanding a change in this, a change in that. You talk so much, but you are not even willing to come back home and make that change. Remember, YOU should be the change that you want to see happens. Not hide out here berlagak Westerner, eyeing for that PR.

I would respect you if you say (in all honesty) that you do not want to go straight back home because you want to get the experience that you cannot get back in Malaysia, so that when you come back you can contribute to a new kind of development.. But don't give me the impression that kau just tak nak bersusah di negara sendiri. So siapa sekarang yang kene bersusah untuk kau? Kerajaan hantar belajar tinggi2 so that kau balik and menyumbang pada negara. Bukan untuk menyumbang pada kekayaan dan kesenangan hidup kau sorang.

I know, and I truly understand (because I feel the same way too) that the government SHOULD do something in order to ensure that when we go back home there would be jobs that would fulfill our career needs in terms of job satisfaction as well as intellectual satisfaction, and of course at a salary that is befitting our education and qualification.

But it is while the going is rough that you can see who truly loves the country and who are just "parasites" wanting to feed-off the country (sorry for the strong words). Remember, you need the country more than the country needs you. Being in a place where you belong, even if you don't make as much wealth, is far better than being somewhere where you are just "the outsider". Apa kau ingat orang UK suka sangat kau ramai2 kat sini? Come on, you know the answer.

And don't say you don't feel like you truly belong in Malaysia because we are not tolerant enough. Tak cukup tolerant lagi ke? You want to go to your own school? Silakan. You want to speak your own language? Silakan. (In fact, some of us can't get a job at some places because we don't speak your language) You want to practice your faith? Silakan. In grandeur lagi (Let the gold-plated tallest statue of Dewa Murugan at Batu Caves be a Testament to that). Of course there are no absolute freedom. Freedom needs to come with limitation, especially in a multi-racial country like ours. In fact, can you name me one country that practices absolute freedom? Can you?

But you, you question our Bumiputera rights. Padahal apa sangat lah rights tu pun. You want us to respect your sensitivity. But have you ever respected ours? When you use Allah to denote your God, although you know how precious religiosity is to us (like how precious money is to you), you disparage us when we get insulted. Why is it that we always have to respect you, but you never respect us? Yes, it may be linguistically correct, and you can harp on Freedom of Expression, but how does that reflect on how "respectful" you are (something you claimed to be) and how does that reflect on your social conscience?

Now, coming back to the issue of the denigrated race. Why is that so? Why do you hate us so much? Why do you belittle us? Are we not friendly to you? Do we not welcome you with open arms when you come to our house? We want to talk to you, we want to hang out with you, we want to be your friends. But how can we do that when you just stick to yourself, and speak in a language that we cannot understand? Can't we speak in English (no matter how broken our English is, or yours). Come to think of it, why can't we speak in Malay? Because it's our language? And here i thought it's the National language. Well, that's what the Federal Constitution says anyway. And if you don't like what the Federal Constitution says, well blame your forefathers for agreeing to it when you once seek the protection of Malaya.
In any event, I'm sure you did pass your SPM Bahasa Melayu paper (and I'm sure in more probability you got an A1 for it).

Last thing about the denigrated race. How come there are Malays themselves who like to denigrate the Malays. Sebab kau malu jadi orang Melayu kan? Sebab kau ingat kau Western and modern kan? Bangsat lah kau. Itu nama nya tak sedar diri. Western, modern, kau makan sambal belacan jugak.
Please lah, I really hate Malays who feel the only way they can appear cool , open minded, and be accepted by the non-Malays are when they disparage and belittle their own race. If that's what you have to do to gain acceptance, THEN SHAME ON YOU.

Now the Malay in me has spoken. Let it be damned!

*(spoken like a true denigrated race)*

Exchange with a Beloved Friend

*I want to share an exchange I had with a beloved friend of mine, Sasha Lyna, on FB yesterday. This is just to show that if we have enough respect and love, we can disagree on anything, but still be good friends afterwards. Then you can say you have maturity in the true sense of the word. :)

(In italic are Sasha's)*


So I'm heartless because I say it's better to take your grievances to the court rather than to the street? Yes, we can emulate civilized countries, but only if the people are of civilized minds first.



how can u have revolution like that?and whe n until u take it to the streets will the people knw the real story..COURT?with our present image of our court?HOW?!!



That's on the presupposition that we need a "revolution"...can we handle a revolution? can we carry through a revolution? you think we are ready for that? seriously?

Yes, I used to think crap of the court as well. and the police. and the government. But then someone asked me, "why are you so cynical?". Aku terdiam (hek leh, cam real je aku mampu terdiam!)

Then I realised that all of us idealist (including me) fighting for utopia are no longer CRITICAL, but just purely CYNICAL. We are too quick to condemn ANYTHING state-like. Sebelum dengar ape2 lagi, tengok apa2 bukti lagi, kita dah buat judgment. This is NOT what the Rule of Law (that ironically we are fighting for) is about. This will just bring CHAOS. Sekian.



if with that kind of thot, of cz we're never gna b ready..

but do we have/need to b ready to carry out a revolution?change is needed when there is no other way n clearly there is a wrong that is soo apparent n needs to be corrected.

surely, u must give other opportunity to prove their worth rather than saying they don't knw anything....

y do u think there is chaos?is it not also contributed by those in power?arent they retaliating to the move towards revolution?

we cant all be gandhi(may he rest in peace).


oh babe, I agree that we need CHANGE, hell yeah we do..but we don't need a REVOLUTION...check history and see what that means..see the price that has been paid for it..the price is blood. But the move towards change can only come from objectivity, not emotion!

Not ALL things should be taken to the streets. If available legal avenues have been exhausted, then fine. But don't jump the gun! In civilized countries you think diorang main belasah je ke. They follow proper steps. All in time.

For example the shooting issue. For all 1000 ppl yg melatah terus kondem polis, there are another 1000 yg melatah and terus defend polis and kondem the boy. U see? There is no space for unification when things are done on the basis of "cepat melatah". Kalau takleh unite, u think we can carry through a revolution? It's not a matter of not giving ppl the chance to prove their worth, but see...their action has spoken louder than their words.


but nenek jst bcoz don't agree tak smestinyer means bloody..we need to educate people thats all..its ok to disagree!!like us, i still love u as much even if i dont agree with u ;)


as long as what we do tu betul2 melambangkan nak educate people..."don't listen to what a man says, look at what he does" (ni quotation utk carik jodoh, tapi boleh pakai gak ah! hehe)

Betul tu bulu, altho I might not necessarily agree with you fully, but I still love you nonetheless too! Ni baru lah differences of opinion secara berhikmah kan...as long as we keep our cool and remain professional...nak emotional, save that for pergaduhan ngan your laki/bini, hihihi :P


*and that was my intellectual Exchange with a Beloved Friend (for the day)*

TRAGEDY

This is something I wrote as a comment to Abu's status on FB regarding the shooting of adik Aminulrasyid, which I decided to re-post here:

I think ALL of us know the law. Semua orang pass CPC and Consti dulu kan. Everyone knows about Proportionality. Everyone knows that Police can only shoot when they are shot at, or when their own life is threatened (unless it's a warning shot). Everyone knows that Natural Justice warrants the Presumption of Innocence (and it works both way, on the kid, and on the police as well).

Now to put all these legal principles in context, we CANNOT do that UNLESS and UNTIL we know all the facts of what actually happened. Hence, investigation by an INDEPENDENT panel/commission is needed (the independence of the government-led one is reasonably questionable).

But before all the facts are laid down in public and objectively analysed, people should refrain from making emotional statements swayed by political underpinnings. The police camp will say that happened, the boy's camp will say this happened, it will be a case of he says-she says, that's why result of fact-finding by an independent party sahaja yg boleh dianggap FACTS OF THE CASE, yang lain2 tu ALLEGED FACTS (from both sides). We are all legally trained to know rules of evidence kan.

Sebab tu I personally think the case going straight to court is the best way to go (which I just read is what's happening now).

But I have to say, naluri aku sedih bila aku tengok gambar budak kecik tu, that is something I can't help. Whatever the outcome, this IS a TRAGEDY.

In Anticipation of Tim Burton's Alice In Wonderland: My Tribute to Lewis Carroll

"A boat, beneath a sunny sky
Lingering onward dreamily
In an evening of July-

Children three that nestle near,
Eager eye and willing ear,
Pleased a simple tale to hear-

Long has paled that sunny sky:
Echoes fade and memories die:
Autumn frosts have slain July.

Still she haunts me, phantomwise,
Alice moving under skies
Never seen by waking eyes.

Children yet, the tale to hear,
Eager eye and willing ear,
Lovingly shall nestle near.

In a Wonderland they lie,
Dreaming as the days go by,
Dreaming as the summers die:

Ever drifting down the stream-
Lingering in the golden gleam-
Life, what is it but a dream?"


This is an excerpt of Lewis Carroll's poem as it originally appears at the end of Through the Looking-Glass, which is the sequel to Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. The poem ended with that famous Lewis Carroll quote "Life, what is it but a dream?". (And the parts in italic are my favourite parts of the poem).

Lewis Carroll wrote both books for Alice Pleasance Liddell, the daughter of the Dean of Christ Church College at Oxford University. And in fact, the first letter of each line of the poem will spell out her name! (Check it out for urself!) Because it conceals a name, this is called an acrostic poem. Lewis Carroll is famous for the mathematical ideas and problems, and various puzzles that he included in both books. This is because in real life he was an ardent inventor of puzzles and games, which he would often send in letters and circulars to his friends, to see if they could solve them. I have a book called Lewis Carroll's Games and Puzzles which contains many of the mathematical and logical problems that Lewis Carroll intended to include in the last book he was working on (near the end of his life he worked on a book of mathematical puzzles and games but he died before it could be completed). If u can find the book, try it guys, it's really fun and damn difficult some of it can be too!

Here I give u an example of one of the more simpler (and easier) ones-
The Dodo says that the Hatter tells lies.
The Hatter says that the March Hare tells lies.
The March Hare says that both the Dodo and the Hatter tell lies.
Who is telling the truth?
Try and see if u can solve the puzzle!

Lewis Carroll's real name was Charles Lutwidge Dodgson and he taught mathematics at Oxford University, in Christ Church College (yes, the famous Oxford College used extensively for the filming of Harry Potter). Besides the two books on Alice, he wrote many other books, including mathematical textbooks for the undergraduates at Oxford and books about his mathematical discoveries. He published several books of poetry and two books about logic. He also wrote two other stories for children (about two characters called Sylvie and Bruno).

Alice in Wonderland is an extremely interesting book because essentially it is not really a childrens' book (just like Harry Potter!). It contains many philosophical questions about life, and includes many of those interesting puzzles I mentioned. And it is just a darn funny book!

Which is true also of Through the Looking Glass (the themes and settings of Through the Looking-Glass make it a kind of mirror image of Wonderland. As you would know, looking glass is another term for mirror, and the book is about how the world is like on the other side of the mirror, a question I've always find fascinating since I was a little girl!). This is an excerpt of one of my favourite part in the book -

" "Well, in our country" said Alice, still panting a little, "you'd generally get to somewhere else- if you ran very fast for a long time as we've been doing."
"A slow sort of country!" said the Queen. "Now, here, you see, it takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place. If you want to get somewhere else, you must run at least twice as fast as that!" "

Ain't it just hilarious?! ^_^ (But wouldn't it be easier to just stand still?! Since u have to keep running to stay in the same place, if u stand still u will then be somewhere else! Or at least u will stay in the same spot without needing to tire urself out! See, the book just makes you think! Well, if u have enough brains that is.

Anyway, I am really really excited to watch Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland which is coming out in cinema in the UK in a few days time. Not only because it is from a masterpiece of a genius man who's a fellow alumni of Oxford University, but more importantly because of the gorgeous and hilarious Johnny Depp!!!! (Albeit in a not-so gorgeous role but hey, the Mad Hatter is crazily funny!)

Enjoy a Mad Hatter scene (the Un-Birthday Party) here from Disney's Alice (One of my most favourite Disney cartoon, which I must have watched at least 50 times when I was little!)

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(Oh yeah, when the mouse recited "Twinkle twinkle little bat, How I wonder what u're at, Up above the world u fly, Like a tea-tray in the sky", this is actually Lewis Carroll immortalising his Mathematics tutor, Professor Bartholomew 'Bat' Price, who was renowned for lecturing well above the heads of his students! Lewis Carroll would often send his mathematical puzzles to his mathematicians tutors and colleagues in Oxford, including to Prof. Bat, and would be surprised that these eminent mathematicians would gave different and contradictory solutions to his problems!)

And so, In Anticipation of Tim Burton's Alice In Wonderland, this is My Tribute to Lewis Carroll!

Age

They say age is just a number. But I disagree.

If age is just a number, and you can be young at heart so age does not matter, then ape cerita kedut2 bawah mata ni, or ur metabolism slowing down rapidly, or you getting sakit kaki and backache after a long day, or u forgetting more easily and need more time to recall things?? Haaa, jawab jawab!

On a more serious note.

Age is not just a number. Because with age comes experience. And with experience comes lessons. And with lessons come wisdom. (Or 'wisdom' of some sort!)

The age-old question: What is the meaning of life? If you asked me this at 23, I would have given you some crappy narcissistic answer which all revolves around ME, ME and more ME. But after several life-turning experience, at 26 (going on 27) I realised Life is something Beyond You. And Life is Unpredictable (they say life is like the Mistress, she is unpredictable and her mood-swings can create havoc to all balance and order that you hold dear!)...You just have to stop, look around and ponder...to realise how bewildering Life is. And no matter how in control you think you are, or you want to be, you can NEVER ever control Life. And also somehow, in some way, all of us are inextricably linked together in this whole fabric of Life.

There is much to be said about maturity. It is not something you can see from the surface. It is not something physical. Even if you look 30 although you are only 21, it does not mean you are matured! (Here in the U.K I often get mistaken as a 19 year old because of the physicality)...I have many friends here who are so much younger than me. And although when we are together people can seldom see the difference in age, but when you talk to them you just know they are younger. It's their outlook towards Life and towards so many things in general. It's in the way they talk. It's in the way they behave in relation to other people. It is in the way they seldom see the bigger picture. When I am with them, I have to humour them, and tell myself it's because they lack life experience (I also have a way of always appearing more stupid or helpless than I really am so that people don't feel the gap! It's a skill I've developed over the years). I also have friends who are more or less my age, or older. And it is just so much easier to connect with them at an emotional and mental level. They just seem to "Get It" (it's difficult to explain)...I came to this realisation about the connection of all this with age is because usually after getting to know these ppl for some time, only then you know their age...then you go (in your head) "Ooooh, no wonder. Patut lah".

Another important thing. Life and Age, it changes you. You are never the same person that you were 5 years ago. Or 3 years ago. Or even a year ago. External influence (your life experience) and internal influence (how you react internally to those experience) keep moulding you and you realised that I am just not the same person anymore! Sometimes you feel that this is bad (Oh I used to be so carefree, so optimistic and passionate about the future) but actually this is often for the better. Because u wake up and realise that you are more at "one" with yourself. You are more in touch with your feelings, of who you are. But more importantly, you are more in touch with other people in your life, or other people around you, because you have more sympathy, empathy and understanding towards others compared to when you were younger...

This is what I want to say to Aliza of yesteryears. "Of course you have more youth and beauty than me, but I can always strive to have more of those too. If I sing more and laugh more, my heart will be more youthful. If I take care of myself more, have a healthier lifestyle, or even have cosmetic surgery (haha), I will be more beautiful. But no matter what you do in this world, or how hard you try, I will always have something more than you...and that is my Age!"

:D

F.E.A.R

I remembered when I was in my first year and training for Jessup, in one of our training sessions, we were asked to write on a piece of paper what we feel is our biggest strength. And I wrote this: "I move on in spite of FEAR". Then Dr Majdah asked, "But then it means that you do feel fear?" and I answered "Of course, who doesn't."

I remembered a quotation I read once: Courage is not the absence of fear, but the ability to rise above it.

I realised that I was at the lowest point of my life once because I allowed myself to remain stuck BECAUSE I was afraid. I allowed myself to be defeated by Fear, when I used to be someone who always strive to do what I know is best for me although I was fearful.

As the day of my departure approaches, I'm being flooded by a gut-wrenching fear. Fear of not being able to adapt and adjust to a new place, new environment. Fear of being alone and lonely in a foreign place. Fear of missing, and missing out on, my family and friends here in Malaysia. Fear of being dissapointed by what I hope would be a turning point in my life. Fear of making wrong choices. FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN.

But I am proud that despite the gut-wrenching fear, I feel a kind of strength and peace inside myself, to face it, swallow it, take a deep gulp of air, and MOVE ON in spite of F.E.A.R.

My Earliest Memories

I find it strange the things we sometimes remember. Like how I remember walking back alone from prep when i was in Form 5 in TKC and looking up at the stars and saying to myself I am sure that one day I will remember doing this..and I do!

Talking about remembering, I am sure that everyone has those earliest memories of ourself as a really young child. One of my earliest memory is when I was staying in a shoplot (rumah aku kat atas, bawah kedai2) in Dungun, Terengganu when I was four. One day I followed papa to a nearby shop downstairs, and while papa was buying something inside (I think it was a mamak and papa was buying ciggie), I waited for him in front of the shop (dekat kaki lima kedai tu). Suddenly, a beggar-like and filthy man (who apparently was crazy/mentally unhinged) came to me and started bothering me. When I distant myself he came closer. And he kept coming closer. And closer. At last I was completely freaked out and instead of going to papa (who was not aware of the battle I was going tru) I decided to run for my life going towards my house. I ran and ran and the crazy man ran after me! I ran up the stairs to my house and he followed me up the stairs as well! By then I was screaming on top of my lungs for mama. When mama appeared at the doorway, to me she was like a vision from Heaven. It was THE scariest experience of my life and seeing crazy people still send shivers down my spine.

The other earliest memory I have is a more sentimental one. As you can figure, living in a shoplot meant that our family life back then was very modest. I remember that the house had a kind of balcony (or rather an open air space) seperating the living room from the kitchen. Whenever I hear papa's car parking downstairs when he get back from work, I would run to the balcony and peer downstairs for him. One day, papa was waving and calling up to me and when I looked down he was happily showing me a box of Luna colour pencil (the short one, with a dozen pencils inside) and he was beaming proudly that he managed to get me the colour pencils that I so much wanted, and I remembered the excitement swelling inside me at the thought of me finally getting colour pencils! (we were living very modestly at that time and mama said that even during hari raya my parents could not afford to buy us new baju raya and atuk - mama's father - bought for us the baju raya instead). Remembering this always brings tears to my eyes, and would remind me of the depth of my father's love for me. Unlike my mother, who I am extremely close to and would share almost everything with, my father, being like many other fathers, is not the type of person who easily shows love and affection. But remembering this would remind me of precisely those - his love and affection for his children. Another time I felt this was when he woke me up from sleep one morning with a letter in his hand, with full excitement evident on his face and pride in his eyes that I was chosen to go to TKC after UPSR.

I guess the fact that I will be leaving my family in 11 days-time to go to Oxford University to further my studies is making me really sentimental at the moment. It reinforces in me the realisation that there is no love like your family's love.

And anytime I were to forget this, I just need to remember the safe haven my mama provided when she rescued me from the crazy man, like how she has always made me feel safe in my life; and to remember the love & pride that my father has always had for me. If I were to forget, I just need to revisit My Earliest Memories.

Lost in Translation

I came across a writing by Paulo Coelho on translators, and I was interested to read what he has to say, simply because I too have done some translation work for Institut Terjemahan Negara (translating books by Dato' Saifuddin Abdullah & Prof. Zaini Ujang), altho of course I did those during my spare time and hence I am not a professional or even a serious translator (or maybe a serious translator that cannot be taken seriously!).

I came to the realisation that yeah, but for people who are translators, I would not have been able to enjoy many books that I really love simply bcz they were originally written in languages that I do not understand. Paulo Coelho's books themselves (which I am a fan of) are written in Portuguese, and I also have a collection of Boris Akunin's books on Erast Fandorin, the Russian detective, written in Russian (well, duh). But for translators, I would not even fully understand my own book of guidance, the Holy Qur'an...

Isn't God great, that when he created diverse people of different tounges, he also gives the wisdom to a number of them to be able to understand more than one language, so that they can spread knowledge to the four corners of the world! So that in people's unquenched search for knowledge (as enjoined by God Himself), we would not get Lost in Translation...