:)

My first published article in international citation-indexed academic journal...

http://www.ajbasweb.com/ajbas/2012/Special%20oct/331-341.pdf

:)

Curiouser and Curiouser

My new blog, 'Curiouser and Curiouser', which will be solely dedicated to random knowledge and fun facts that is of interest to me (a collection of my varied interest in (hopefully!) diverse areas), as distinguished from this 'personal' blog. Feel free to drop by if interested ;)

http://stillshehauntsme.blogspot.com/

For those who are wondering or are unfamiliar with the phrase, 'Curiouser and Curiouser' is a very famous statement made by Lewis Caroll's protagonist, Alice, in the book Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. The original quote came from Chapter 2 of the book:-

"’Curiouser and curiouser!’ Cried Alice (she was so much surprised, that for the moment she quite forgot how to speak good English). ’Now I’m opening out like the largest telescope that ever was! Good-bye, feet!’ (for when she looked down at her feet they seemed to be almost out of sight, they were getting so far off)."

The phrase "curiouser and curiouser" has overtime become a literary shorthand for feelings of wonder and disbelief, and is widely used by writers to evoke those feelings, hence the reason I chose it for this new blog (besides being enthralled by everything Lewis Caroll @ Charles Dodgson for some time) i.e. because the blog is to contain things; knowledge and facts; that I have come across and which has evoke in me feelings of excitement, of wonder and disbelief.

And the reason I use "stillshehauntsme" in the URL of the blog is because the phrase "still she haunts me" also comes from a Lewis Caroll poem on Alice, whereby the poem illustrates the origin of the book. "Still She Haunts Me" is also the title of a biographical work by Katie Roiphe on Lewis Caroll, the allure of the phrase is actually due to countless speculation surrounding Lewis Caroll's fixation with the 'real' Alice (which most of them I find ridiculous due to non-understanding of the mores of Lewis Caroll's era, you guys can Google them up if you want to know further). An excerpt of the poem:-

"Still she haunts me, phantomwise,

Alice moving under skies

Never seen by waking eyes."

And also because all the other URL's I wanted to use for my blog is not vailable anymore, such as:

1. 'aradia' - my online name for so long, which I got from the character of a blind witch maiden in one of the Night World series I used to read in my teenage days, Black Dawn, Night World being a book series on the alternate world of vampires, witches and warewolves. Yesss, long before the world became obsessed with vampires and Twillight and Edward Cullen, I have gone through that stage looooooooooong ago! haha

2. 'alltheworldsastage' - "All the world's a stage" is a phrase from William Shakespeare's play As You Like It, which begins a monologue by the melancholic character, Jaques, in Act II Scene VII.

So guys, do check out my new blog Curiouser and Curiouser!

WE THE PEOPLE WILL HOLD YOU ACCOUNTABLE

http://www.themalaysianinsider.com/sideviews/article/analysing-bersih-3.0-malaysian-in-the-us/

Just would like to post here and share, my comments on FB to Farhana's posting of this excellent article from the Malaysian Insider. My comments reflect some of my thoughts post-Bersih 3.0. :-

"Precisely. The stupidest thing to me is that the government (via police) is justifying their actions of the whole brutal shenanigans- tear-gas, hauling people in masses to the police station, etc- because it is an illegal assembly. But why must it be illegal in the first place? The government made it an illegal assembly! without justifications. It is still beyond me why people cannot be allowed to gather peacefully so long as their cause is not "supportive" of the government. Then we might as well be a communist country then. Just obey, no questions asked.

When such a large number of people gathers (remarkable!), and some violence did ensue, then the problem is that it is impossible to positively determine who started it off. Because once it is started, of course there will be a chain of reaction, as people caught in violence (both sides) would have no choice but to defend themselves. Here it is going to be a he says-she says situation. Bersih participants started the violence. No, the police started the violence. Both sides are personally involved, and hence none of their words can be taken in value. THEREFORE, we turn to the words of the IMPARTIAL observers, the international observers and international journalists, etc, who were in the middle of it TO OBSERVE AND REPORT with no personal stake involved. (Now those who says the international people are actually biased because they want the opposition to rule so that the West can exploit the country and destroy Islam, etc, u know the usual, are clearly delusional. Malaysia ni tak sehebat mane pun untuk diorang nak exploit. Bukan lah kita ni kaya sangat dengan minyak pun. Bukan lah ekonomi kita ni mantap pun. Bukan lah kita ni Islamic sangat pun, tengok lah perangai2 majority Muslim kat Malaysia ni. So sila sedar diri sebelum nak perasan negara luar nak ekspolit kita.) And I saw on the Singapore news (ok ni pun mesti ada orang akan argue "oh Singapore memang nak menjatuhkan Malaysia". Please. The reason I watched the Singapore news is because of course la these kind of report would not be shown on Malaysian governement-controlled news channel), INTERNATIONAL observers, from India, etc, Australian ambassador and so on, stating that they were in the midst of it and the people were indeed gathering PEACEFULLY, and the brutality and tear-gassing from the police were totally UNPROVOKED. (I guess the police were attacking just for the sake of it being an 'illegal' assembly as their justification, as above)

Now, I am not blaming the police, and yes we should not maki hamun the police (I read someone's status saying what if polis2 tu mak bapak kita and kita tengok org lain mencarut2 tentang polis), but we should instead blame the people WHO INSTRUCTED THE POLICE i.e. our beloved government. Seriously, nak tergelak tengok press statement Najib on why it is ok to use tear-gas on the people. Because using tear-gas is better than if lost of lives were to happen. Problem is, if the brutality was unprovoked, i.e. it is the police side who started the violence, then why are you using fear of lost of lives as an excuse to tear-gas the people? You, yourself incite the violence, then u use that as an excuse to further attack the people. Brilliant. (It is not that you can just use tear-gas whenever there is a large crowd gathering for 'fear' some lives might be lost if the gathering continues. You only use it when the crowd gets unruly and HENCE threatening lives. But not when YOU are the one being 'unruly'. Please understand the fine distinction here MR. Prime Minister).

To me, whatever has happened, BERSIH 3.0 is a success. Why? Because more important than the actual demands made by Bersih 3.0 is the MESSAGE that it seeks to send to the government. That is, the people will not lay idle and let you make a mockery of our democratic system, let you run rampant with corruptions, let you trample on our rights, and let you do whatever the hell you want just because you are in power. WE THE PEOPLE WILL HOLD YOU ACCOUNTABLE."

Now, I would like to add.

Yes I am pro-Bersih 3.0, for the MESSAGE that it seeks to put forth to the government- Accountability. But I am also a realist, therefore I know sentiment would mean both sides would try to put the blame 100% on people on the other side of the fence. BUT, what is important now is how this nation MOVE FORWARD post-Bersih 3.0. And so on this point I think Art Harun says it best on his blog (and I quote):

"I say, apart from that, the Bersih rally reveals a nation which is not at ease with her people and on the other hand, a people which is suspicious of their nation. It shows that at times, all of us could lose our head and descend into some kind of a contagious sickness.

I just pray that soon, all of us would regain our collective consciousness; regain our rationality and reasonableness; regain that missing piece of humanity. And then perhaps we would sit down, with a cup of coffee in hand, and ponder whether we would want to continue with our waywardness.

Or whether we would want to heal this nation; get back on our feet and move forward as one people with one purpose.

In unity."

Whatever it is, for my thoughts and admittedly my sentiments, underlying it all is my utmost and unshakeable belief in the Rule of Law (NOT the Law of Rule) wherein every democratic government, as Malaysia claims to be, must be reminded lest they forget, that WE THE PEOPLE WILL HOLD YOU ACCOUNTABLE.

Forever After

Once upon a time, in a faraway land, there live a prince and a princess. The prince and princess grew up worlds apart from each other and had never met one another while growing up. One day while traveling to another kingdom to learn the secrets of the world, chance and fate brought them together and the prince and princess met and decided that they like one another. Very much like one another indeed.

So, what happens next? Well, since this is a fairy tale, of course what happens next is that the price and princess fell in love with each other... And then?? Then, they live happily ever after..oh wait, no no! Not yet! Why?

Well, because the prince and princess realised that before you can live happily ever after, there are many obstacles that you have to go through first. What kind of obstacles? Well, every kind of obstacles from slaying dragons (the princess realised that she had a lot of unknown dragons from her 7 past-lives that are coming back to haunt her) to broomstick problems (the prince and princess lives in 2 different kingdoms far away from each other and when their broom sticks are broken they dont get to travel to meet each other for a looonngg time which makes the princess sad) to communication problems (since the prince and princess comes from different kingdoms they speak different languages and although they tried to learn a new language together, the new language is very very tough and the prince and princess occasionally gets in trouble because of this).

But the biggest obstacle for the prince and princess is to understand each other. You see, the prince and princess are sooooo different from one another. This is because the prince's fairy godmother is from Mars and the princess' fairy godmother is from Venus, and so the prince and princess learn different things from their fairy godmothers, well, polar opposites actually! And so the prince and princess think different things, like different things, feel different things, and are prone to different things altogether! You want to know the secret of this? It's because when the prince was born his fairy godmother blew into him essence of the earth and therefore the prince grew up to be a very grounded person, and also very hard to move like boulders of the earth. The princess on the other hand, well her fairy godmother blew into her essence of the wind and she grew up to be a very temperamental person. Like the wind, she also tends to sway where the wind blows.

So what happens to the prince and princess i hear you ask? Well, to tell you the truth nobody knows! Not even the very wise oracle who lives on the mountain. Well, not yet anyway. Because the princess is thinking whether their vast differences can ever be reconciled and the prince is thinking why the hell is it so hard to understand her.

So boys and girls, let us pray hard together for the poor prince and princess. Pray hard that they will look deep into their hearts and find their way, find their way to each other, Forever After.

In my arrogance, I forgot

Between Being Feminist & Being Delusional

Love the point made here: in our quest of empowering women, we made the fatal error of putting man as the standard. It then becomes counter-productive to our initial objective. We can never be like men, and who says we should?? I just read a book called Fight Like A Girl (Who Says It's A Bad Thing), although the author argues using biblical reference here & there, but the position is the same in Islam. I'm proud that in every "fight" and battles in life that I have faced, I have always fought like a girl i.e. using my natural God-given strength as a woman, rather than trying to fight like another being whose characteristics I do not possess. I hate it when people say women are too emotional, like being emotional is a bad thing. I love & value logic, but if everyone functions on the basis of logic alone, with no regards to feelings and intuition (i.e. if everyone of us wants to be the stoic-logical man in all situations, no compromise) society would eventually be soul-less..

Being a Feminist DOES NOT mean fighting to be just like a man, it means fighting to be WHO YOU ARE, to be the best that you can be & to fulfill your true potential, fighting to have an opinion & not to have others view shoved down your throat, INCLUDING the view of how you should be less feminine (and every single thing that word entails) and more masculine.

So ladies, lets draw the line here, Between Being Feminist & Being Delusional

http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2010/12/19/a-woman%E2%80%99s-reflection-on-leading-prayer/

I WISH

I wish I could tell you
Of this deep abyss in my heart
That i tried to fill with your words and your voice
But sometimes the loneliness that creeps up, just eats up, from within...

I wish I could tell you
Of how at times when i try to conjure up
Your sweet face and your dimpled smile and your soft laughter
They get blurred out, and muted down, by the vastness of space and the passage of time...

I wish I could tell you
Of the tears that would sometimes fall
When I miss in pain or I hope in vain
But I knew in my heart, no love nor care nor want in the world can change, the unchangeable...

And so I continue to wish, oh how I wish so... I WISH

Less Than Ideal

Yes, I know our situation is less than ideal...

It's not ideal to be separated by all these miles...To not be able to drop by each other's place or office when the fancy strikes, or not being able to call for you to pick me up when I need some rescuing (given the chance, I'm always in need of rescuing ;p)...or to steal some time to have a quick lunch or dinner together. Because we're so far away from each other. Well, physically far away. But in truth you are always so close...because you are in my heart. And it just feels to me like you are always right by my side. Every step of the way, in everything that I do, I can just feel you there with me. Because you are my best friend.

It's not ideal that we don't get to see each other as often as I would like. Well, ideally I would like to see you everyday. Okay, once a week is good enough. But I know that's not possible given the distance. The physical distance. But it's ok, at least I hear from you everyday without fail. We each know the detail of our everyday life. We share all that's happening to us, everything we are doing, all the things we are thinking, the things that are bothering and upsetting us, the things that are making us happy and bringing us joy. We are sharing our life with each other, and like you said, I "see" you more often that the people I literally see day in day out. Because I "see" you with my mind and with my heart. And sometimes I see you in my dreams *blush*. I always see your smile. And it's a bonus that everytime we do get to meet I feel so excited like every date is our first date. I don't take for granted the time we get to spend with each other, and that makes every moment so special. Because it's priceless.

Yes, I know our situation is less than ideal...But I will not trade in what we have together in exchange for normalcy. Because what we have together makes me happy, happier than I've been in a long, loooonnggg time. What we have together gives me peace, and makes me want to be a better person. So I will not for one second consider giving it up for all those ideals.

Yes, I know our situation is less than ideal...But it's a small price to pay, when what I get in return is YOU. When you have Perfect, who cares if it's Less Than Ideal.

:)

A Little Girl Who Looks Like Me

When the mood strikes me, yes, I think this is my biggest wish...

To have a little girl of my own... a little girl who looks like me.

SEJIWA

"Pada irama ku berpesan
Lagu ini ditujukan
Padanya yang Tersayang

Kasihku kau pernah dipersia
Lalu kubawa cintaku
Sebagai penawarnya
Biar lukamu masih terasa

Sesaat engkau tidak ku temu
Bulan seakan pilu
Tiada dapat beradu

Begitu jika engkau membisu
Badai jauh dilautan
Tiada ketepian
Sebegitu cintaku padamu

Usahlah cinta dibawa bersama
Ditenggelami mentari di timur
Gelap gelita tiada bercahaya
Ku tiada berdaya

Ku ingin selalu di sampingmu
Tiap waktu siang melambai malam
Bagaikan senja denyutan cinta kita
Penyambung hadirnya

Akan ku bina istana bahagia
Menjadi lambang kasih berpanjangan
Hentikan airmata pedih kenangan
Yang mencakar perasaan
Mekarlah bunga cinta
Seharum wangi kemboja
Mekarlah bunga cinta
Di taman kita sejiwa"


I guess you can say that I am a romantic at heart. Deep down, very very veryyyy deep down at heart :p
(That's why people are always surprised when they found out that I, who very seldom listens to contemporary malay songs, am a big fan of the 90's rock songs (atau dalam kata lainnye, rock kapak yg jiwang karats tuuu haha)

The problem is, I will very2 seldom show it, despite feeling like it. Is it ego? Is it to safe face? Or is it protecting my own heart and protecting my own self? Another big problem is, my track record (if you can call the measly number a record anyway) has shown that I will usually fall for guys who are NOT by nature romantics. Nak kata geli dengan lelaki2 romantic and jiwang pun boleh jugak :p So kau tanggung la sendiri ye Aliza bile kau tgh mood2 nak romantic tu kalau tak di layan, hahaha :p

Anyway, coming back to the song, I have always thought that this song is the ultimate sweet and romantic song. And I guess subconsciously (or consciously tapi taknak ngaku?? hehe), I have always dreamed that some day someone (someone I like of course) would dedicate this song to me :p If it does happen, I think it would be one of THE most romantic thing someone can do for me! But that someone must mean it of course (that goes without saying)! Banyak la pulak demand nye ye aliza..

I guess why I like the lyrics to this song is because 1) the beginning of the song (esp. 2nd para.) I think is applicable to me 2) Admit it, ALL girls, deep down, DREAM of 'someone' who will worship them (worship the ground they walk on!) and who will pander and fawn over them, pine after them.. Ya, ya, I know that sounds a bit too much REALISTICALLY, of course I know that (thanks to watching too much Hindi movies I guess, esp. starring the King of Romance Shah Rukh Khan! Hehe :p). But ADMIT IT ladies, we have all DREAMED of having that or getting that (nama pun DREAM, so sgt la tipis harapan untuk ianya menjadi kenyataan kan :p)

Like I said,banyak la pulak demand nye ye aliza.. Aliza, aliza.. would anyone want to even dedicate it to an old fatty like you? layak ke?? *uhuk*

But there's no harm in continuing to hope and dream rite...I mean everybody dreams of meeting and ending up with their soulmate right, no matter how unromantic or hati kering you are, you would still hope for that..meeting your soulmate..... Now that I think about it, I think the title of the song is a loose translation of that word, "soulmate" - SEJIWA!